Beloved

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with this song in my head. So I decided to play it and listen to it. And as I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling in the darkness, tears came to my eyes and I began weeping. 

Because I got a vision as I listened to this song. There are so many things that I'm excited about doing and seeing in Hawaii, but this is one of the things that I long for most. 

I want to stand at the edge of the ocean, my toes deep in the sand, the wind on my face, and water as far as I can see. And I want to be reminded of how incredibly small I am in this world. But of how indescribably great His love still is for me. I want to be overwhelmed by His love. I want to drown in His presence. 

Friends, we chase after so many things. We turn to so many things to fulfill us. To consume our time and attention. Things that one day will all pass away. Things and people that can never fulfill us and love us as we were created to be loved. 

When all the while, the Lord is right there. Standing by, watching, with arms wide open. 

The parallel of Hosea and his wife the prostitute Gomer has been on my heart lately. Because do we really realize- really really get in our spirit fully- how much He loves us? He LOVES us. 

He sees us chase after other loves, after the things of this world, after the temporal pleasures it has to offer. He sees us and despite our ugly past mistakes, despite our complicated present situations, despite how many times we turn our eyes away to other things, He's still there and He still longs for us. 

We don't have to do a thing. We don't have to chase after Him or earn His love. We don't have to prove ourselves worthy of it. 

All He wants is to love us. If we'll only accept His love. He only wants our love and our hearts. Fully. All of our heart. Not only a meager portion as we turn to other things to fill us. 

But instead, we treat Him as a second option. As a backup plan for when things go wrong and don't turn out right in our eyes. When He should be first! He needs to be first in our lives. He wants to be first in our hearts. 

He delights in us and longs for us, friends. He wants you and me. And when we truly get that in our spirit, it should wake us up in the night. It should bring us to our knees and it should cause us to weep. Because His love is that great for us. 

He only wants to love us lavishly and to receive our passionate love and devotion in return. If we'll only stop chasing after the loves and distractions that can never satisfy our souls and turn to the One Who is divine Love and the only One able to love us and fulfill us as He created us to be. 

"My beloved speaks and says to me: 'Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.'" Song of Solomon 2:10-13

http://youtu.be/diMZ3ucq24g

Kokua Crew

So where am I now?

New Year's Eve, I leave on a plane flight bound for Kona, Hawaii. I'll be living in the volunteer dormitories of the YWAM base at a Christian university called the University of the Nations. I'll be working in a practical department on the university campus (I'll learn what main department I'll serve in once I arrive there) and in exchange for my labor, my room, my meals, and my board will be provided for. I'll work for eight hours a day, Monday through Friday, from seven o'clock in the morning until three o'clock in the afternoon with breakfast and devotional meetings prior to the start of the work day and an hour lunch break amidst the day. Weekends are free for resting and leisure time and affordable tours of the island and spiritual conferences are offered from the university. 

I'll be staying in a room with two or three other girls as my roommates. The group of us volunteers will be picked up and driven in a van to the university campus every day for work and services. There are weekly worship services which as a member of the Kokua Crew, I will be required to attend (gladly!). 

I'll be six hours' time behind my family and friends in Georgia on the eastern coast. 

I'll return back to Georgia on March 21st after three months of living in Hawaii. Three months was ideal in my opinion. I've never been to Hawaii and I've never been away from my family before but I also wanted to be gone long enough so that some of the novelty will fade into real life for me there and so that I'll have to stay faithful to my commitment and remain there past the stage of homesickness. Three months seemed a practical length of time for me to "get my feet wet" so to speak. 

However, I am praying and hoping for the Lord to forge connections for me there and to open doors of opportunity for me to return again for a much longer period of time in the future. In the near future. 

Whoever you are reading this blog, perhaps you know me personally or perhaps you've simply stumbled upon my story here, your prayers regardless would be appreciated! I'm excited and I'm looking ahead eagerly to all that God has in store planned to reveal for me there. 

For more information about YWAM Kona, the University of the Nations, and the Kokua Crew, check out their website and FAQ section at www.uofnkona.edu/volunteers.

My Story: Preparations

My course was set for the coming year. I made a game plan:

Step 1. Learn Hawaiian

Step 2. Exercise

Step 3. Get My License

Step 4. Get A Job

Step 5. Get A Car

Step 6. Save $5,000

Step 7. Go to Hawaii

They became my New Year's resolutions. 

But first was one of the most important steps. To talk to my parents. It was time to tell them about what God was calling me to do. It wasn't just a "someday" anymore. It was now. 

I was so nervous. I have some of the best, most understanding parents in the world. They've always been my cheerleaders, my biggest fans, they've always supported my dreams. But this was different. I was the youngest child in the family which meant that when I left, it would truly be just the two of them at home and that would be lonely. None of us in my family had ever been to Hawaii. We didn't have close friends or family over there. Hawaii would be the farthest I had ever traveled. I had never traveled alone before. I had never done any missions work and working with the homeless can be a very dangerous thing for a young girl. I had never been away from my family at all. Sure, my older sisters had been on short-term missions trips before to other countries, but this wasn't a missions trip I was talking about: this was moving to a new place. My older sisters had moved away to different states for their college education, but Hawaii was so much farther away than Tennessee or Florida. I honestly didn't know how my parents would react to the idea. 

So I prayed. 

I expected my parents would need time to accept the idea. I knew I would go to Hawaii, but I also knew that God would never call me to dishonor my parents by going against their blessing. So I would continue praying for the Lord to open their hearts until they were in agreement with my going. That's the route that I purposed in my mind. 

I began praying. I began praying that if it was truly the Lord's will for me to go to Hawaii, that He would go before me and already begin preparing my parents' hearts to be open and receptive to the news I had to share with them. My best friend Lina began praying with me as well. 

Then the evening came when I decided to talk to my mom and dad. I asked to talk to them and we sat down in our family room after dinner. Like any formal family meetings, it was uncomfortable and anxiety-rousing. For me because I had to break the radical news to my parents that I wanted to move to Hawaii. And for my parents because, coming from their wide-eyed daredevil daughter, my news could be anything. 

As soon as we were gathered together though, before I said a word, my perceptive mother asked, "Where are you going?"

My dad light-heartedly followed her question with "She's going to do missions in Hawaii," referencing to a dream I had shared with them only days before in which I had been serving in missions work there. 

The tone was set for my news and I shared my passion and my heart with them for serving in Hawaii. I shared what I felt the Lord calling me to do. 

"Well, it's sad for us, but I think it'll be a great thing for you," my dad told me. "We would never keep you from doing what God's calling you to do," my mom said. 

I felt tears of happiness and relief finding their way forward, but I held them back. I love my parents so much and having their blessing and support for me to pursue what I knew I needed to do was one of the happiest feelings I could imagine in that moment. 

I celebrated New Year's Eve with the strange knowledge that in the coming year, I would be moving to a new place. 

But after New Year's Day, I knew the real work began. And my new year began with a jump start, launching with full speed ahead into my plan of getting to Hawaii. 

By the second week of January, I was on a strict daily exercise routine of conditioning my heart's endurance and of strengthening my arm and core muscles. I wasn't looking to be toned and to look like a fitness model. I just wanted to get my body in good shape to serve the Lord better. ...It was brutal. I both love and hate exercising. 

I wrote out on sheets of paper all of the Native Hawaiian words I had learned in the past two years and I assigned myself new vocabulary words to work on. I taped the long list on the back of my bedroom door to see every morning and I made flash cards for myself to help me memorize the words and their definitions.

   Words, words, words! So many words! 

After more diligent practice, devoting hours to driving with my parents, February 5th, I took my driver's test and earned my driver's license. 

The next day, I began researching open positions at dozens of stores in the local areas and began submitting applications online to those that were hiring. 

        Job-searching: a job of its own 

February 16th, just over a week later, I was the very proud owner of a beautiful red Altima sedan thanks to the blessing of the Lord and the generosity and love of my father. 

     My Nissan Altima Leilani. My first car.

After two years of feeling at a stand-still for me, life was now moving speedily ahead. 

On March 31st, through much trust and a testimony of its own, I was hired for my first full-time job. I was an employee at Chick-fil-A and the Lord couldn't have placed me in a better position to shape my character, grow me spiritually, and prepare me in multiple aspects for the next season of my life. 

I learned how to serve the Lord in what we often think of as menial tasks. I learned that a true godly leader models for others humility by being himself a servant. I learned humility. I learned to love people abundantly and unconditionally. I learned how to allow the joy of the Lord through me to change the atmosphere around me whatever conditions I find myself in. And I learned how to serve the Lord even when the praise and gratitude and admiration of men isn't present. 

My job led me to meet my first real guy friends and to be blessed by their friendship. Through those friends, I met a group of people that would invest in me and help me prepare my heart spiritually for going to Hawaii. They helped me grow and become more rooted in a foundation of the truth of God's Word. 

The Lord blessed me with favor at my job from the first day: within my first two months there, I was on the marketing team as our brand manager's assistant, engaging in hosting birthday parties, designing promotion displays, selling food at community events, leading backstage restaurant tours, caring for all of the flowers in the restaurant, and gaining public relations experience. By my fifth month there, I received a sizable pay raise and was evaluated as a certified trainer for training new employees. 

  $4.04: the first of my savings for Hawaii

But between trying to balance my work life and my personal life, my weeks were kept incredibly busy and even stressful at times. It was difficult amidst all of the distractions to find time to stop and to reconnect with my passion to serve in Hawaii. 

Yet when I would steal away alone, close my eyes and lift my head to the heavens, I would feel the Lord's presence surround me, and in the stillness, I would still hear that voice within me calling me far away to a place I've never known. 

And I knew nothing would silence it. 

The summer was quickly fading away and with it, the year itself. I had five months left to my year. And I knew it was time. It was time to begin inquiries. 

I searched online for serving opportunities on the different islands, I sent several emails, I corresponded with different people. 

And that's how I found YWAM Kona. 

My parents and I prayed and researched, and after sensing no qualms in our spirits about my applying to the three-month Kokua Crew volunteer program, I submitted my application online on August 30th. 

I shared my vision with my pastor and he submitted a reference form for me. Then the waiting began. 

One week passed, and I hadn't heard from any of the YWAM staff. The doubts and the worry began creeping in. Everyone was so confident that I would be accepted. What if I wasn't? I knew it wouldn't be a dead end for me. It would only be a setback, an obstacle. I would still go to Hawaii somehow, some way. But it wouldn't be this year and I had no idea how I would go there. 

I continued praying though. Praying that if it was the Lord's will, He would allow me to find favor with the staff at YWAM Kona and to be accepted. 

It was the evening of Friday, September 11th, when I received an email in my Gmail inbox. They wanted to schedule a time to speak with me on the phone.

We spoke on the telephone on a Wednesday afternoon, September 16th. I was so nervous as I sat on my bed, awaiting their call. To calm my nerves, I began praying and worshipping the Lord to a new song by John Waller I had discovered called "Crazy Faith." As I sat there on my bed, eyes closed and hands raised to the Lord in surrender, my iPhone rang. My heart beat fast as I answered, and a pleasant woman's voice came through the speaker on the other end. We talked. I confirmed my agreement with all of the details of serving on the Kokua Crew. "Well, you're accepted," the woman told me at the close of our conversation. She sounded so kind. It blew my mind to think that I was talking with someone so far away where I would soon be myself. "It sounds like you really have a servant's heart and that's beautiful. I think you're going to be a blessing to us and I'm excited to meet you in person too."

I felt ready to explode with excitement and relief when our call ended. I ran downstairs to the kitchen to tell my mother that I had been accepted and I began texting everyone who knew of my scheduled phone interview. I couldn't stop smiling and praising Jesus, thanking Him over and over again. It was as real and sure as it could be. No doubting, no uncertainty, no "maybe's." It was for sure now. 

I was really and truly going to Hawaii.