Transitions

This song brings me back. I was sitting on the concrete floor of our Ohana Court on the Thursday night as this worship took place, over four hundred people around me, and I wrote one of my most powerful blog posts from my time there. That week, this song could be heard being sung all across Hale Ola and the university campus. 

I can't believe that God gave me the gift of living in Kailua-Kona for three months. 

I've been asked by many people how I'm doing being back. Transitioning back home is more difficult than I could've expected it to be. I've cried a lot. I've panicked, realizing how far away I am from Hawaii that I can't simply jump on a plane and be there again. I fight post-missions depression. Every time I talk about my time there, it both hurts again and heals my heart, and every time I think about missing that place, I hold back tears. I've gotten angry at the cruelty it feels like, having tasted of the purpose and fulfillment I felt there and now not knowing how or when I'll ever be back. 

But amidst it all, I'm given a choice. To be angry for its end. Or to give thanks for the time that I did have there. 

I choose to give thanks. 

I listen to this song. I close my eyes and I'm back home again Kona. Right there where I left behind most of my heart. And a peace and comfort overwhelm my soul even the midst of this chaos and transition. I relive my time there, the memories, the beautiful land. 

How could I not praise Him Who gave me that precious time? He is faithful in every circumstance and every season and He completes every good work that He begins.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=v-mvnr7tlNM

Aloha kākou

Monday, March 21st, 2016

3:38pm

Ohana

~a wave lingers on the shore for but a moment before the tide calls it on, but on the sand behind are left shells, showing where once it touched and left its heart

I've cried so many tears since this morning. We all have. In six hours, I'll be on a plane bound for Los Angeles, taking me farther away from this place than I want to go. Some of us have already left; most of us will be leaving tonight. These three months will be behind us, like a fantasy, a dream. 

But I knew this day had to happen. Before coming to this island, I had a terrible fear of it. A part of me that never wanted to come. Because if I never came, I would never have to leave, I reasoned. I knew it was going to hurt this much, saying goodbye. 

But it was worth it. So worth it. Every tear, every heartache, every ounce of hurting in leaving this place. If given the choice again to come, my heart would say "yes" before my lips could speak the word. Absolutely yes. I wouldn't trade this time for anything in the world. 

This last weekend, we've been trying to prepare ourselves. Promising each other that we wouldn't cry and breaking that promise. Talking with nostalgia of the sweet memories we made when we first came here. Begging time to stop so we could all stay here forever. "I'll break the hands on all the clocks and watches." Trying to rationalize against God calling me home for now a way that I could stay longer. Making tearful plans and promises to visit each other around the globe, so unknowing of what tomorrow brings but grasping for comfort in the time of parting. 

Were he still here, one of my guy friends would remind me now that I'm strong and would tell me to "hang loose" and not to focus on the sadness of leaving but on the excitement of what's ahead. My roommate would tell me that it's okay to let myself cry. And one of our staff tells me that the tears and the sadness of leaving and missing people only means that I loved well here. And the truth is, they're all right. There's a time to cry and there's also a time to move on. Never looking back, never feeling regret, never holding back. God meets us right where we are and walks with us in every step. 

Love and love well. Be present. Laugh often. Dance. Lay under palms and dream big. Dig your toes in the sand and be still. Stay up late and watch the stars. Go hiking in the rain. Shout at the sight of rainbows. Meet new people and draw friends close to your heart as family. Life is too short for fear of goodbyes. 

Aloha kākou.

The Thing about Traveling

And here's the thing I think about traveling. It changes you. Places become a part of you. You meet new people and they teach you new things. New languages, new perspectives, new cultures. And it grows you and shapes who you are so that you go back different than you once were. 

Kailua-Kona, it's been awesome. I'm gonna miss everything about you and your three-mile-downtown stretch that used to drive me mad with boredom just a month ago. (Except for the tourists hogging your sidewalks. I won't miss your tourists. They're like Atlanta rush-hour traffic in pedestrians.) You're one of the best things that's ever happened to me and while I can't deny any longer that I'm leaving in two days and I'm living my "lasts" here with you now, I won't say goodbye. Just "see you later until next time." You'll always be home for my heart. 

A hui hou!

Preparing to Leave

Four days left. Four very busy and therefore, very short days left. Four days left here in Kona, Hawaii before a Delta plane will land my feet in Atlanta, Georgia again. Funny, for the past three years, this was all I wanted. To come serve the Lord in missions in Hawaii. Now I've been here. I've served. And in four days, it will be over. 

It's brought my heart to a great deal of reflection. I've watched new Mission Builders arrive. So full of zest and excitement, so wide-eyed with wonder at this place. I see myself in them three months ago. 

But I'm past the stage of newness. Past the stage of infatuation when you begin falling in love with this place. With the opportunities it offers. With the freedom. With the adventures. With the amazing worship services that jump start your spiritual life on a growth spurt. I watch them discovering the best sights of Hawaii. Hiking, taking their first road trips around the island, getting drunk on the wanderlust this place floods your soul with. I watch them discovering the best places to eat in Kona, the best beaches, the best coffee shops, and the best places to watch the sunset. I used to be that person. 

I'm past the stage also that they don't know yet. The stage of boredom. Of confinement. Of feeling trapped, as if I would lose my mind if I didn't get off this island and out of small-town Kona. "Island fever" they call it. I'm past that too. 

And now these last two weeks, I've entered a new stage. Three weeks ago, I was so excited to be going home. Apart from vacationing, I had no real desire to return. Now I'm excited, but my love for this place nearly equals now my desire to see oak trees and front porches of the South again. For the first time now, I know how people can stay here. It isn't that you ever stop missing your home place and that you never still have your moments of feeling homesick: your love for this place simply becomes greater than your desire for home. This place becomes home. 

I've cried immensely now already at the thought of leaving. This past week, I've discovered a part of my heart that doesn't want to leave. 

I've reached the stage of comfort. Of familiarity. That breeds a deep deep love. Like a cozy fire that burns and keeps you warm on the coldest nights. There's no newness here anymore, but there's also no more fear. Somehow in this stage now, my heart has found a home here. 

And I think this is the stage in which people decide to stay forever. 

You've been good to me, Kona, and I'm leaving forever changed. 

#ywamkona #missionbuilders #kokuacrew

Overdue Update

Hello, wonderful people!

Where to even begin?

This update is very very late. And there's a reason for that. On one hand, I've been really busy lately with work, with services, with building new friendships. But on the other hand, I've been dealing with a lot of different emotions lately. I've started this update, highlighted it, deleted it, and began again. ...And again. There is so much I could tell you all about that has happened in the past four weeks.

{Pololu Valley}

I could tell you about my being freed from fear. I could tell you about praying for a friend and being able to witness her be healed. I could tell you about an amazing powerful weekend on a women's retreat and about this magnificent place called Pololu Valley that I had envisioned and sketched two years before ever coming here and discovering that place. I could tell you about everything that God's taught me. I could tell you about my difficult weeks of fighting a spiritual attack of depression and spiritual exhaustion. I could tell you about how many obstacles our group has faced here. I could tell you about my wonderful opportunity to serve now from the kitchen to the university preschool with the four-year-olds. I could tell you about the questioning and the doubts that I've had in conflict over what my calling and purpose is and what I want in life. I could tell you about road trips and about late-night escapades and about beach trips. I could tell you about the new friends I've made, the coffee dates and the long talks, and how difficult it's been saying goodbye.

But I'm not going to. Because for some reason, tonight, I feel like talking about the now. The past month has been incredible. It's left me with some of the best memories of my time here. Through the ups and downs, the laughter and the tears, I wouldn't change a thing. Not a moment of it. But in that time, through it all, a lot changed. A lot changed back home and a lot changed in me. The Lord's grown me and tweaked some things in me. And that's a good thing.

But it also leaves me in an interesting position in life. Life as I once knew it two months ago isn't the same. It won't be the same when I return. I have no idea anymore what my future is supposed to look like, what God wants me to do, what He has in store for me four weeks from now. And while just a few weeks ago, that would've caused me tears and anxiety and stress... it doesn't anymore. I've made the choice now to live with hands open to anyone and everything that God puts in my life. One day at a time. My life is a completely blank page ahead of me and that's exciting. Why should I be afraid? Sometimes we maybe put the emphasis of our "calling" in life as so important that we forget that the MOST important thing in our life is our relationship with the Lord. Without Him, what purpose does our life have at all? So why fret about what I'm supposed to do with my life? I'm walking with God and I'm here to bring Him glory in all that I'm called to do every day. I know that I'm in good hands.

{Mauka Meadows Coffee Farm}

I have a lot of stories I can tell when I get back and a lot of pictures I can share. Let's get coffee when I get home! But for now, while this isn't much of an update, I just felt led instead to really challenge you all to evaluate your lives. What are your fears? What things are causing you anxiety or stress or worry? What is that one thing in your life- maybe a situation or something spiritual- that keeps rolling around and around in your mind, consuming your thoughts every day? What is that one thing? For me, it's control. Control of my life. Fear of the unknown.

But here's the thing: Do you realize that all of those things we worry about... We're actually placing above God in our lives? We're saying through our fear and our worry that this thing in our lives is greater. That it's too big for God. That He can't handle it. That's essentially what we're saying because if we really believe that God is in control and that nothing is too big for Him, that we really trust Him and trust in His perfect plans for our ultimate good, we wouldn't be holding onto that one thing, worrying, stressing, fearing, replaying it in our minds over and over again. The Enemy tries to use so much to hold us back from living our lives to the fullest in abundance of all that God has for us. 

But I declare, just let it go.

Be free.

Go and walk in victory and be held in bondage no more.

God is great and He is a good Father and no matter what happens and comes our way in this life, He is still on the throne. He still has this world in His hands and He still has the high authority in the lives of His children whom He loves so much.

So let it go. Walk in freedom. Live in the moment. Be present. Stop thinking about tomorrow just for a minute. Be still, soak in His presence, embrace the blessings He's lavished upon you. You're worth it because by His action of dying on the cross for your sins and blessing you with the offer of eternal life, He says that no matter what you've done or how undeserving you feel you are to accept His goodness in your life, you are worth it. So enjoy the life that He's given you. It's beautiful. Just like you. Breathe. Put your hand on your chest and feel your heart beating. That's God saying that He has a purpose for you, and above your occupation, above your "calling" in life, you are first and foremost already called to one great purpose above them all. And that is to glorify your Father in Heaven and to shine His light and His love that others will come to know Him. That is your purpose and your calling every single day with the gift of life that He gives you every morning you open your eyes to another sun dawning of a new day. That is your calling.

I challenge you... surrender, be free, and go live it. Not tomorrow, not next year, not six months from now or two weeks from now. Go live it today. Don't waste a single moment of your life by not pointing others back in all that you do and speak to our great Creator who gives life meaning in the midst of the chaos and the storms and the mess and the beauty that we call Life.

{Mauka Meadows}

{Hapuna Beach}

{On the Rocks restaurant}

{Pololu Valley}

{Hot Springs}

{My preschool classroom}

Friends, Family, I've seen amazing things while I've been here, and I'm so thankful for the time that I've had to live here and serve the Lord here. It has been such a gift from God and I feel His love in it every day. I've experienced a lot. I've tried new things. I've seen things that before, I couldn't even dream of ever seeing. The land: mountains, valleys, waterfalls, lava rock, sandy shores, black sand, giant waves, coffee farms, hot springs, an active volcano. The culture: hula, a luau, basket-weaving, leis, historic sites. The food: poi, poke, haupia, kalua pork, Kona coffee, malasadas, mud pies, musubi. The wildlife: mongooses, pigeons, colorful birds, vibrant fish, geckos, "Kona-cruisers" (giant cockroaches), sea urchins, humpback whales, wild goats. The vegetation: palms, hisbiscus, plumeria, banyan trees, coffee trees, fruit trees. I've seen sunsets to take your breath away, mist of the foamy waves crashing over the rocks, fallen plumeria blossoms lining the streets in gentle array. This weekend, I'm visiting the famous Mauna Kea. I've had incredible experiences spiritually with the Lord. As my time here draws to a close so quickly, I reflect, and if I could go back and make the decision to come here again, I still would.

But I'm ready to come home now. I land in Georgia in less than just four weeks' time and I'm so excited. Not because I'm ready to leave here. I'm going to cry. I'm going to miss so much about this place and I'm going to miss the people. But I've been away long enough. There are people at home who still need me right now and I need them. It's time to return home and to move on into what God has in store for me now in the next season of life. And I know in my spirit that for now, that's supposed to be in Georgia. Maybe someday I'll be back and I'll make my residence in Hawaii, but right now, I need to go home. And that's okay too.

I have things at home that I'm going to have to face. I have decisions that I'll need to make. But you know what? For now I'm called to be here in Hawaii and I've been called to show His love, point others back to Him, and to serve Him in a roomful of preschoolers from the community. So I will live here in the now and focus on the task He's given me. He has tomorrow in His hands. My spirit is at peace. I rest in Him. 

I'm grateful for your continued prayers and I've seen and felt the effects of them more than ever this past month. I can't imagine doing what I do here without your support from home. I'm eager to see your faces again. I love you all and I'll be seeing you very soon! I pray God blesses each of you abundantly. 

With Much Love and Aloha, 

Julia

Life to the Fullest

Isn't it strange? Life keeps running and never stops. With every breath that we breathe, we are living life. I've gone on some awesome adventures while here. I've stood looking down at raging waterfalls, I've stood on black shores and looked out at the ocean on the horizon, I've looked out at the mountains and valleys as we road trip through the jungle, I've soaked in a hot spring. And I can't help thinking to myself that maybe this is how life is supposed to be. 

I'm surrounded by a group of young people here. I'm one of those young people. Some of us have plans; most of us have no idea what lies ahead for us back home. We move in and out of each other's lives. We go on adventures together and we bond. We pray together, cry together, worship God together. We make plans for the future to visit each other halfway around the globe, never knowing what even tomorrow will bring. Young hearts so full of life, so full of dreams and plans and big ambitions. So eager to climb the next mountain to see what's ahead, so yearning for the real and the authentic in life. 

And maybe that's how life is supposed to be lived. With enthusiasm and eagerness. With openness to love and embrace to your heart unreserved whoever is put in your path without fear of "goodbye." With courage to dream big for tomorrow and make plans without fear of uncertainty. With passion seeking God's face in every day without a growing tepidity of mundane life. 

To live Life with open hands to anyone and everything that God brings. And that God takes away. No stress, no worry, no fear. Only trust and faith and freedom. And abundant Life lived to the fullest with no regrets.

Where Can I Go from Your Spirit?

February 17, 2016

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 

“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” 

Psalm 139:7,9&10