No Turning Back

This happened Wednesday. I was rebaptized!

My Cornerstone church family will remember that over three years ago, September 9, 2012, I was baptized in the pond across from our church property. Pennington Pond. I was seventeen-years-old. 

I had grown up in a Christian household. My parents are strong believers and took my sisters and me to church every Sunday morning and every Wednesday night. We girls were involved in extra activities at church when we were younger; we served at church when we were older. My dad has been an elder at our church for years. That said, I was so young when I first gave my heart to the Lord and began loving Him that I honestly don't remember it. I've loved the Lord my entire life it would seem. 

In my little bubble, children who had grown up in Christian families like mine were water baptized as children or as young teenagers. My sisters had been; my friends had been. But I had never felt led to yet. Nearing eighteen-years-old though, admitting that I had never been baptized yet had become something that I began to feel embarrassed about. 

My church was having a baptism, and after wrestling with the idea, I took the plunge and signed up. Partly because I didn't believe I would ever feel "led" to; I mean, in His written Word, the Lord had already called me as a believer to be baptized. What other "calling" was I waiting for? But partly also out of obligation. It was something that I needed to mark off my religious little checklist and then was as good a time as I any I figured. 

So September 9, 2012, I was water baptized, fully understanding the significance of that moment but for an odd combination of both right and wrong reasons. 

It was four months later, the morning of January 24, 2013, when I awoke from a puzzling dream, and after pondering and praying about the dream, I heard the Lord reveal to me that in my heart, I had some major trust and control issues against Him in my life. He showed me that being His disciple- a disciple of Jesus Christ- isn't just about loving Him, but it's about surrendering your life to Him. Giving Him control and submitting your will to His. 

For the first time that morning, I surrendered my life to the Lord. 

That decision kick-started me into a spiritual growth spurt like I had never experienced before. A commitment of surrender that led to my giving up for Him all of my own plans for my future, to my learning to trust Him, to an increase and strengthening in my faith, and to a sharpening of my ability to hear His voice. 

A decision that transformed me from being discontent, unhappy, discouraged, apathetic, bearing a calloused heart, unjoyful, and having a repulsion for humanity to being a woman so full of happiness and light, passionate, soft-hearted, youthful, compassionate, hopeful, having a desire to serve others and to show God's love, and to being known for her laughter and smile. 

A decision that would even lead to finding myself here in Kona, Hawaii three years later. 

Before leaving Georgia, I had seen on the YWAM Instagram page online a picture of a group of individuals being baptized in the ocean. And something had stirred in me. If the opportunity was presented, I wanted to be rebaptized. 

In that time when I had surrendered my future plans and I was first learning to trust the Lord, He gave me a picture on the morning of June 10, 2014. In the picture, I was standing at the edge of a sandy beach. The waves of the ocean were lapping up onto the shore, wetting just my toes. And Jesus was there in the water in front of me with His hand extended to me. He was asking me to follow Him. I took His hand and allowed Him to lead me into the water with Him. 

Trusting Him and ever holding His hand, I followed Him deeper and deeper into the water, farther and farther away from the shore. And the water got higher and higher as we walked. And then I stopped. I stopped, knowing that if I allowed Him to lead me any farther, I faced the risk of drowning. The water was so high now. I hesitated following Him farther into the deeper water, farther out into the ocean. 

I was faced with a decision. The story of Peter following the Lord to walk on the water came to my mind (Matthew 14), and I felt the Lord asking me that morning if I was going to continue allowing Him to lead me farther into the deeper water of my unknown future, trusting Him not to let me drown and to take my faith to a new level, or if I was going to turn around then and return to the shore- to my comfort zone- where it was "safe." I chose to trust Him. 

Over a year later, December 27, 2015, the week that I was preparing to come to Hawaii, a woman from my church was praying over me and told me that the word that kept coming to her mind was "deeper." That God wanted to take me deeper. 

That Tuesday night, December 29, a a young man I know from my church messaged me, sharing that as he had been praying for me, he had gotten a picture of me walking on water. You made it look so easy he said and because of that, you were able to go and help people that  others couldn't reach because they didn't have the faith that you did to walk on the water. As Peter told the Lord to call him to walk on the water toward Him, so he felt like my going to Hawaii was me asking God to call me forward. And He had. 

As of this past Thursday, I've been living in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii for three weeks now and since I've arrived, a theme has been weaving itself through my days. In the songs that we sing, the prayers that we pray, the devotionals that we share and receive. A theme of allowing God to take us deeper. In His presence, in His grace, in His love. In all that He has for us. Even one devotional talked of Peter's faith to walk on the water in contrast to the fear that caused him to sink. And it has confirmed still further in my spirit that I'm exactly where God wants me to be. 

Last Friday, the opportunity was presented to our group to be baptized in the ocean. Mine was the first name on the list. 

So Wednesday afternoon, before over a hundred volunteers, staff, and onlooking tourists, I was re-baptized with four other girls who had signed up, one girl who decided while there to join us, and one last girl who made the decision to be baptized after we had all been immersed. Six of us young ladies total. We rejoiced. Such a happy time! My friends who have become as family to me these past weeks surrounded me with hugs and prayers and congratulations. Supporting me. Encouraging me. Celebrating with me. So much joy in that moment. 

Nina, one of our staff who I've grown rather close to through prayer, mutual sharing, and nighttime coffee by the ocean, helped with the baptism. And afterwards, I'll never forget. Amidst the excitement and bustle of celebration, she hugged me and placed her hands on my shoulders as she looked into my eyes, and she told me in her German accent, "You are a world-changer. Whether it's in Hawaii or wherever, I know this: you are going to change the world."

And so in the place where I feel called as my mission field, I made a renewed declaration of faith before my neighbors and before the Lord that being a changed person and being in a very different place in my relationship with God, I have really died to my flesh now and have surrendered my life to Him. That I'm living my life for His glory and according to His will now. January 20, 2015, on a sunny afternoon by the pier in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, I was re-baptized, declaring symbolically as I was immersed in the ocean water that I am willing and ready now to allow Him to take me as far into the deeper waters as He wants me to go. 

"I have decided to follow Jesus

I have decided to follow Jesus

I have decided to follow Jesus

No turning back

No turning back"

"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8