Yesterday I had my first swim lesson. Not with a certified swim instructor, but with the woman who has taught me most of what I know. Because here's the truth of it: I can't swim.
It isn't because I was ever afraid of swimming, although I'm still not keen on having my face underwater. But growing up, I just never received an opportunity to learn.
Still, never learning how to swim was one of my biggest regrets in life. Growing up, it caused me to miss out on a lot of birthday parties, a lot of summer parties, a lot of sleepovers, making up excuses not to go because I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I was past grade school and I didn't know how to swim. It was one of my biggest secrets. I never told my parents how embarrassed it made me feel and I never told people that I couldn't swim. I wanted to learn, but I also didn't want to because I was too ashamed to ask for anyone to teach me. My pride just wouldn't let me.
But I'm going to Hawaii in two weeks. To an island, a place completely surrounded by water known for its beaches, its surfing, its snorkeling, and its scuba diving. A place where it would kind of be helpful to know how to swim. At least a little bit. So yesterday I tried learning how. And I learned a lot from it.
I acquired a massive new respect for great swimmers and divers because they must have some STRONG muscles. Just sayin'. That stuff is WORK! I was so sore this morning. Talk about good exercise!
I learned that water and eyeliner don't mix well.
I learned what an essential part of life water is. We drink it, we bathe in it, we float around in it for fun. What a marvelous invention God made of H2O molecules!
I learned that I LOVE water and that I love being IN the water. (That makes me basically a mermaid, right?)
I learned that sure, I can't swim like an Olympic swimmer can. I can't be a lifeguard or a swim instructor or a certified diver. But you know what? There are some things that I know how to do that an Olympic swimmer can't. I learned that there's no reason in the world why we should ever feel ashamed for not knowing how to do something or not knowing answers. That's silly. We can't compare our skills and abilities to anyone else's. There's always new things we all have to learn and we shouldn't ever be embarrassed or afraid of other people's opinions or judgement to ask for help or for instruction. That thing you've been wanting to try? Go for it. You're never too old and no one else is going to chase down that dream for you.
I learned that sometimes- dare I say, a lot of times- God calls us to places that we aren't necessarily prepared for in the moment. He calls us to places and things that take us from our comfort zone and that sometimes require us to learn new things. Maybe a new language, a new skill, a new culture. Or that maybe requires us to allow Him to do a new work in our hearts and cultivate in us a new character quality or fruit of the Spirit. I know He's had to work in my heart a lot of humility this year for me to be ready to serve Him in Hawaii. The things He calls us do and the places He leads us to go aren't always easy- change is difficult, especially if you never anticipated it- but like in water, we have to learn to simply trust Him, stop fighting, and allow the current of His Spirit to move us. He knows what He's doing.
I learned that mastering new skills is sometimes more difficult as an adult than it is as a child. Because as adults, we're so logical. We get so caught up in our heads, trying to rationalize everything in our own happy little worlds. Always trying to find balance and reason and make sense. But sometimes, that doesn't always work. Like with breathing: breathing is so natural, but if you stop and focus on it, you set your natural breathing pattern off. Like with swimming: your body mass will float in water, but if you think too much about it, trying too hard to float, you'll sink every time. Like with God: so many people reject believing in Him simply because they can't reason out His ways. The ways of the Lord are mysterious sometimes and force us to have faith and just to trust. It isn't for us to always have the answers and muddle over, trying to make sense in our limited human minds things that are supernatural and of an unearthly realm. And even like with opportunities and love: the Lord may open doors in our lives or bring someone into our path, but we get so distracted, focusing so much on it and overthinking, that we lose courage and miss them entirely.
And I learned that "Rome wasn't built in a day." I didn't learn to be a great swimmer yesterday. I can do a mean "motorboat" kick across the pool with a kick board now, I learned a breaststroke, and I came pretty close to swimming a few strides on my own without anyone or anything to balance my front end. But I still can't swim. After three hours straight spent in the water, my body was tired. I didn't have the core strength, the energy, or mainly, the practice to keep afloat. And at first, that was really hard for me. I couldn't kick my legs one more time, I was exhausted and my muscles burned so badly, but I didn't wanna leave. Because I had gone there to learn to swim and I hadn't learned yet. But I had to remind myself to release the impossible expectations of my perfectionism and to be gentle and patient with myself. Maybe I'll come back from Hawaii with more practice and know how to swim, but nobody learns in one day. It wasn't for lack of trying and it wasn't for lack of intelligence, I had to remind myself. I'm a fast learner- I learned as much as I did within the first hour- but I physically wasn't capable of learning to swim well all in one afternoon. I think all of us can lean toward a tendency sometimes to be too hard on ourselves, be it in skills or abilities or performance or in spiritual growth. But the Lord is always loving and patient with us in our learning and training and becoming more like Him. "As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13&14 So why shouldn't we be gentle with ourselves as well?
We all have a journey. Some of us are farther along in that journey than others but we all have a past from whence we came. Life is about celebrating the small victories and milestones of that journey one step at a time and taking pride in how far we've come, who we've become, and who we're still becoming. Be kind to yourself. And remember that every journey begins with the first step.
I'm so deeply thankful for the person He's slowly made me into this year and for all that He has planned yet to do in my life. Revving up now for an adventure with Him that I know is going to change me forever.
