I Know that You Love Me

"And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails"

-Your Love Never Fails

Song of Prayer from HI

At the edge of the Ocean

Amazed by Grace

Your Presence come down, Lord

And flood this place

Surround me, crash over me

Immerse me in Your Love

I want to see Your face

Glimpse Your Glory above

Be Thou my Vision

My victory come

In my heart and my life

The battle be won

My strength and my refuge

Found in You, Lord, alone

Bind my heart to Your heart

May Your presence be Home

Every heartache, ever tear

But You call me by name

Saying, Beloved, come with Me

In My grace, there's no shame

My failures, the canvas where Your glory abounds

My weakness where You best show Your might

My hurt where Your touch come makes me whole

My darkness where You bring in Your Light

To the wind of Your Spirit

I surrender my all

Come break every bondage

Every fear, every wall

My life is a tablet

Write Your name on my heart

My Jesus, my Savior

My Beloved Thou art

Every knee will bow, every tongue confess

That Jesus is the King

In Earth or Hell or Heaven above

He is more than anything

His scarlet blood on that cross

As the nails pierced through His hands

Declared His power over Death

And claimed Salvation for this land

This is how our Father loves

More mightily than the sea

Overwhelm me, change me

Spirit, come abide in me

Stretch me more than I've ever known

Call me to walk as Peter did

Upon the waves after Your own voice

Faith to go where You see fit

Sunrise to the East

Sunset to the West

I will sing Your praise

Through every trial and test

And when the Grave calls my name 

Death will lead me home

I'll still sing Your praise forevermore

At the foot of Your royal Throne

Aloha!

Aloha, Ohana!

I've been living here in Kona for over three weeks now. It both seems so much longer and so much shorter than that. Has it been another two weeks already since my last update? Time flies by so quickly here.

These past two weeks have been filled with adventures and new experiences. I went to a real luau two Saturdays ago. The leader of our grounds crew at the university, a Samoan man, works at the luau event center and was able to get us all discounted tickets, but even still, it was relatively expensive but worth every penny. We dressed up nicely and walked together down to the hotel by the pier where the luau would be hosted. There was live slack key guitar music by the water. The ocean waves were wildly crashing in the background. Such a beautiful night! Hula and other Polynesian dances were performed in traditional dress. Native Hawaiian food was served. Almost all of the things that I wanted to try while here: poke, poi, kalua pork, haupia, Kona coffee. I tried it all. Some of it I enjoyed; some of it not so much. My heart felt full and content, so happy, that night wholly immersed in the culture that I love so much. That I respect. That I appreciate. I had waited for over two years for a moment like that. I love Hawaii not for its beach lifestyle, but for its people, for its history, for its traditions, for its language, and for the land as the beautiful sacred gift from God that it is to us. As I sat there that night, something dropped into my heart that wherever my family lives someday, I want my children to grow up understanding and appreciating the beautiful Hawaiian culture.

The week that followed was mostly uneventful. Early mornings, three meals a day, evening services, work days, lazy afternoons spent at the pier. Daily life on the island for us here. Then came Friday night.

Friday and Monday evenings are ministry nights in the prayer room at the campus. The times when we can spend a few hours in a roomful of other young people who love the Lord, worshipping, praying, praying for each other, prophesying. The times past, I had been too exhausted from the work hours of transition week (4:00am-1:30pm) to be much engaged in the services. It was all I could do to focus on not falling asleep. But this time was different. It began with my crying in worship and my friend Trine praying for me. I wandered outside for a few minutes. To think, to pray, to reflect, to spend some quiet time alone with the Lord. When I returned, an invitation was being given for prayer if you wanted God to take you deeper into His grace. I raised my hand for prayer and a girl nearby came to pray for me. She prayed and she prophesied and she was very accurate in what she spoke. She encouraged me and uplifted my heart. Then an invitation was given for physical healing. A few months before I left home in Georgia, the spiritual gift of healing was prophesied over me. That maybe God wanted to move through me and use me in that gift. Since being here in Hawaii, I've felt a heightened awareness of phsycial ailements and injuries in people I encounter every day. I believe that God can heal, that He can make the blind see and the lame walk again. But through me? I struggle with faith in that area.

But there was a girl nearby me that Friday night who raised her hand for prayer. So I and a young man named Richard drew to her side and began praying for healing for her. She had a gluten intolerance and after eating something rich in gluten earlier, she described having a heavy knot feeling in her stomach. We prayed and the discomfort disappeared about fifty percent she said. We continued praying. And the feeling went away entirely. "I feel like I could go out and eat a giant cinnamon roll right now and be fine!" she said, laughing with joy. I was astounded. Had God just used our hands to heal someone?

Behind me, my roommate Ida was being prayed for. Ida had struggled with chronic back pain for the past seven years. She used to be athletic, running and being awarded as a child as the best shot putter in her county. But for the past seven years, she hasn't been able to play sports. She couldn't run. She couldn't do sit-ups. Her hips and knees were unaligned. She was prayed for during the ministry night and that Friday, her hips were realigned. She did sit-ups with no pain. We ran home from the campus together that night for the first time she had been able to run in seven years. She joined a group of individuals up front, testifying before the entire roomful of believers that she had been healed. It's been over a week now and she's felt so pain since. Our God is so good! He amazes me every day here from the moment I awake to the time when I lay my head to rest again at night.

The next day, last Saturday, we joined a group from our Kokua Crew on a road trip across the island. From Kailua-Kona to Hilo and back. Coast to coast. We stopped at a valley, at Akaka Falls, at Rainbow Falls, at the Hilo Farmer's Market, and lastly, at a small restaurant to buy malasadas. I had wanted so badly to try malasadas and they were everything I could've imagined! I could eat those warm, golden, sugary fresh doughnuts every day! Sooo ono! The waterfalls and the valley in the midst of the island jungle took my breath away. I could've stayed beside the ocean waters of the valley for hours longer. As I sat on the lava rocks in the shade of swaying palms, looking out across the crashing waves, the Lord's presence came upon me so strongly. I felt Him near. I stood in wonder and awe that He is the Creator of something so magnificent and still cares about the intimate thoughts of my heart. That He cares more about the details of my every waking hour and the times we spend together than He does about the glorious handiwork that He's carved into this land. Even the moments of my sometimes boring and uneventful days. He loves me more.

He takes my breath away here. As we were driving through the mountains, a vanful of sleeping people I love all around me and worship music playing softly from the front of the van, I choked up with tears looking out the window at His handiwork. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own little bubbles, in our own little worlds with our own little problems that we forget. We don't realize that we are just a small fraction in this big wide world and that He is the Master and Maker of it all. The view through our lens sometimes is so narrow. We forget how great He is.

Saturday night, Nina took me to her special place. A quiet two-story coffee shop in town. Nina is one of our Kokua Crew staff who I've grown pretty close to through prayer together and mutual sharing with one another. We placed our orders and wandered outside with our drinks. The shop has a two-story lanai. When I stepped outside, I caught my breath in surprise. I wasn't expecting the view. We were right on the ocean. Lights from town danced across the water to our left. To the right, waves crashed against the rocks just below us. We sat and talked for hours. I've been there almost every afternoon since. I love stopping by on my way home from work at the campus every day and drinking a hot chocolate on the veranda, spending some quiet restful time alone praying, worshipping, writing, even just thinking and listening to God's voice. It's good for my soul and Daylight Mind Coffee Company has become my special place now too. The baristas know me by name in there now. I also enjoy quiet time at the Banyan Tree Café on the campus and in the prayer room, and I enjoy my time walking alone. I try to walk as much as possible here in contrast to riding in the vans. 

Sunday afternoon, I attended a free event at the local Hulihee Palace in town. There was music by a band comprised mostly of elderly people and there were three lovely hula dances. My friend Emilia and I were two of the youngest people there it felt like, but it was a cultural experience and we enjoyed it. 

{Hulihee Palace}

Last week kicked into the swing of another work week come Monday morning. It was the same as usual until Wednesday afternoon. 

Wednesday afternoon, our entire Kokua Crew walked down to the pier and we had our quarterly baptism. And I was rebaptized. In front of over a hundred people- staff, volunteers, and onlooking tourists- I made a renewed declaration that I'm living my life surrendered to Christ now. Why? It's a long story, but please, I would love for you to take the time to read my testimony of it here on my blog in my previous post titled "No Turning Back."

{Photo creds to Ida}

{Photo creds to our photographer Igor}

Thursday was a day off of work for me. For those of us volunteers who are staying here for three months, we're given two days off of work to attend a DTS class of our choice. Basically to go and listen to a Christian lecture for four hours and then have the rest of the day to relax and spend our afternoon however we desire. My first class was on Thursday. The topic? Hearing God's Voice. I felt oddly shy and a little intimidated by so many unfamiliar people, but I enjoyed it and I enjoyed the afternoon I spent at Daylight Mind writing and sipping hot chocolate. And I especially enjoyed the extra few hours of sleep in the morning! But I surprisingly missed working in the kitchen. I thought I wouldn't- that I would be overjoyed not to have to work that day- but I wasn't.

I'm loving my job here in the kitchen now. Our work hours are now 7:00am to 3:00pm with breaks in between. However, we always finish our work earlier at 2:00 and therefore, get off work early. I rarely ever feel stressed anymore. I always have fun and I love now the people that I get to work with. We're always being told that they've never had a kitchen crew like us before. The inspector came on Friday for our yearly audit which the kitchen partly failed last time, but this time, we passed 100%. Yeah! I say that we're going to go down in YWAM history as the best kitchen crew. Every day now for meals, I help serve the food. I love it so much. It reminds me of being a host in the dining room at my Chick-fil-A at home. I miss that a lot. I receive so much pleasure and satisfaction in seeing at my smile and cheerful greeting, a smile come over the sleepy or tired faces of the usual students coming through my food line every day. I love making them smile.

{Kitchen Crew!!! Photo creds to Nina}

I'm not very homesick here anymore. When I cry, it's usually now because God overwhelms me with His presence. But in rawness and vulnerability, I admit that some days are still a little difficult. Sundays when I can live-stream the worship service from my church back home is a highlight of my week. I look forward to it every day. Sundays my thoughts are turned home more than usual. I also fight homesickness sometimes throughout the week now. I work at a university, interacting with college boys every day. And college boys will be college boys. Every day, I'm flirted with, I get winked at, I have boys who are just a little overly-friendly toward me. I walk on the streets in town and I've gotten honked at. I've gotten whistled at. I've had a guy stop his car unsolicited and ask if I wanted a ride. I've had guys pass by me walking and greet me and try making conversation with me. I've had a guy wave at me from his car window rolled down and then turn to his friend beside him and call me "beautiful." Some girls would give anything for the attention- some girls do give everything, I know. Some girls want that. But I don't. I've never felt threatened or in danger because I'm never in a deserted place- I stay in well-populated tourist areas by myself- but it's still unwelcomed. At the end of the day, it only makes me homesick. I've never felt such superficial attention before nor have I ever felt more objectified than I do while walking down the street at times. It makes me miss being home. It drives my heart back toward my loved ones in Georgia. It makes me feel lonely in those moments. 

This is a beautiful place, but as the weeks go by, I'm realizing more and more that it also has its share of lurking danger. The waves grow stronger and bigger with each day that passes it seems. Our staff has warned us now to be extremely cautious swimming in the water and has advised us against sitting on the lava rocks far out into the ocean where the waves crash right at our feet. In the past, there was a girl whose spine was broken by the force of a wave and many people have gotten badly cut before on the sharp rocks and reefs. While it's safe in the daylight in touristy areas of town, we girls are ever reminded not to find ourselves walking alone at night and not to take shortcuts where we might find ourselves in the ghettos. We have a lot of homeless people along our streets, and sadly, it's obvious that not all of them are of a sound mind.

We've had a few mishaps happen on our team. My friend Christina got stung by a jellyfish. Then my roommate Amber got pink eye. Then Amber stepped on a sea urchin. Then my other roommate Ida got severely sunburned. Then Ida's sunburned turned out to be something like a sun-stroke. Then Christina developed a severe allergic reaction to the jellyfish poison or to a plant or possibly both and was taken to the Emergency Room. Then our friend Katie sprained her ankle while trying to longboard. One of the elderly women on our team experienced health complications and was taken to a hospital in Hilo where she was on a ventilator and her family was asked to come see her. Very very fortunately she's recovering now. A couple from our team had to return home already because the husband had some kind of injury in his leg. Christina has been experiencing major back pain, people on our team have been fighting common colds, and one of our friends has been having bad dreams. Purely coincidental incidents? Maybe. Something tells me that there's more likely something going on in the spiritual realm instead though. Apparently it hasn't been uncommon in the past for members of the Kokua Crew to begin having bad dreams after about two weeks into serving, so last week we had a quarterly prayer walk around each of the buildings in our Hale Ola dormitory base. Please pray for protection over all of us. Many of us have reached the point of having occasional weariness and fatigue physically from the work that we do throughout the week and this makes us particularly vulnerable mentally and spiritually for attacks from the Enemy. We wave the blood of Jesus as a banner of protection over all of us.

I'm reminded that even in one of the most beautiful places on the face of the earth, danger and threat still exists. Even the closest to paradise in this fallen world is not void of the consequences and effects of sin and the fall of man. How I long for the day when all of darkness is wiped away and only the goodness of the Lord's glory remains. Keep us here in your prayers.

Please pray also that I find a home church here. I've visited two churches since being here and while I've enjoyed both and have found their worship styles and sermons to be much like my church at home, I'm struggling to find a place where I feel like I can belong. I'm still so much a part of my church family in Georgia. But it is difficult not having a regular place to attend here and to feel involved in. I'm still trying different churches out. Next week, I've bribed with a Starbucks my friend Pedro to walk three miles uphill with me to visit Hope Chapel Kona if he can't find a van from the university to take us. ;)

Speaking of friends... I've established some amazing friendships here now that are only growing stronger by each week spent together. My guy friends are wonderful. I love how they make me laugh, they make me feel cared for, they make me feel safe. The ways that they show they care are so tender and pure: a pat on my shoulder, a touch on my arm, gentle teasing, stroking the top of my head, touching my curls, holding the door for me, letting me wear their sweater when I'm cold, making sure that I don't walk alone in the dark. They take care of me and watch out for me. 

My girlfriends bring such joy to my life. We walk with arms around each other's shoulders. We pray with each other. We listen, we share, we encourage and compliment each other and are always building each other up. We comfort each other and support each other through homesickness and tears. My roommate Ida and I love laying on her bed in the evenings when we're both tired from work and don't want to be around people and reading the Bible, listening to music, laughing together and eating snacks. She makes me so happy. She has a big heart and so much love to give. I'm thankful every day that God has given me such a caring friend in her, as well as in others here. I love it when she and Christina read to me in Danish and I find myself listening to Danish worship music now even when the two of them aren't around. 

My friends and I have reached the level in friendship now of inside jokes (mine and Lea's hip-bump and funny smiles at each other while working). Of sharing everything (we buy a drink at Starbucks and literally everyone at the table tastes it). Of nicknames (long story, but Pedro now calls me "Angela"). And of set reputations. I'm known now as the girl with the big smile and big hair (humidity and these curls, ya know?). The girl who's always laughing and is always bubbly and cheerful. The girl who got lost at the airport. And the girl who's the "mother" of my group. I've been so blessed to be surrounded by wonderful godly people who have become like family to me, and I'm ever reminded in light of how worried I was before coming that I'd be alone that I need never be anxious. The Lord is faithful and trustworthy always. 

{Photo creds to Christina}

Thank you for all of your continued prayers. I thank God for you!

Aloha nui loa,

Julia 

{Photo creds to our friend Josué}

No Turning Back

This happened Wednesday. I was rebaptized!

My Cornerstone church family will remember that over three years ago, September 9, 2012, I was baptized in the pond across from our church property. Pennington Pond. I was seventeen-years-old. 

I had grown up in a Christian household. My parents are strong believers and took my sisters and me to church every Sunday morning and every Wednesday night. We girls were involved in extra activities at church when we were younger; we served at church when we were older. My dad has been an elder at our church for years. That said, I was so young when I first gave my heart to the Lord and began loving Him that I honestly don't remember it. I've loved the Lord my entire life it would seem. 

In my little bubble, children who had grown up in Christian families like mine were water baptized as children or as young teenagers. My sisters had been; my friends had been. But I had never felt led to yet. Nearing eighteen-years-old though, admitting that I had never been baptized yet had become something that I began to feel embarrassed about. 

My church was having a baptism, and after wrestling with the idea, I took the plunge and signed up. Partly because I didn't believe I would ever feel "led" to; I mean, in His written Word, the Lord had already called me as a believer to be baptized. What other "calling" was I waiting for? But partly also out of obligation. It was something that I needed to mark off my religious little checklist and then was as good a time as I any I figured. 

So September 9, 2012, I was water baptized, fully understanding the significance of that moment but for an odd combination of both right and wrong reasons. 

It was four months later, the morning of January 24, 2013, when I awoke from a puzzling dream, and after pondering and praying about the dream, I heard the Lord reveal to me that in my heart, I had some major trust and control issues against Him in my life. He showed me that being His disciple- a disciple of Jesus Christ- isn't just about loving Him, but it's about surrendering your life to Him. Giving Him control and submitting your will to His. 

For the first time that morning, I surrendered my life to the Lord. 

That decision kick-started me into a spiritual growth spurt like I had never experienced before. A commitment of surrender that led to my giving up for Him all of my own plans for my future, to my learning to trust Him, to an increase and strengthening in my faith, and to a sharpening of my ability to hear His voice. 

A decision that transformed me from being discontent, unhappy, discouraged, apathetic, bearing a calloused heart, unjoyful, and having a repulsion for humanity to being a woman so full of happiness and light, passionate, soft-hearted, youthful, compassionate, hopeful, having a desire to serve others and to show God's love, and to being known for her laughter and smile. 

A decision that would even lead to finding myself here in Kona, Hawaii three years later. 

Before leaving Georgia, I had seen on the YWAM Instagram page online a picture of a group of individuals being baptized in the ocean. And something had stirred in me. If the opportunity was presented, I wanted to be rebaptized. 

In that time when I had surrendered my future plans and I was first learning to trust the Lord, He gave me a picture on the morning of June 10, 2014. In the picture, I was standing at the edge of a sandy beach. The waves of the ocean were lapping up onto the shore, wetting just my toes. And Jesus was there in the water in front of me with His hand extended to me. He was asking me to follow Him. I took His hand and allowed Him to lead me into the water with Him. 

Trusting Him and ever holding His hand, I followed Him deeper and deeper into the water, farther and farther away from the shore. And the water got higher and higher as we walked. And then I stopped. I stopped, knowing that if I allowed Him to lead me any farther, I faced the risk of drowning. The water was so high now. I hesitated following Him farther into the deeper water, farther out into the ocean. 

I was faced with a decision. The story of Peter following the Lord to walk on the water came to my mind (Matthew 14), and I felt the Lord asking me that morning if I was going to continue allowing Him to lead me farther into the deeper water of my unknown future, trusting Him not to let me drown and to take my faith to a new level, or if I was going to turn around then and return to the shore- to my comfort zone- where it was "safe." I chose to trust Him. 

Over a year later, December 27, 2015, the week that I was preparing to come to Hawaii, a woman from my church was praying over me and told me that the word that kept coming to her mind was "deeper." That God wanted to take me deeper. 

That Tuesday night, December 29, a a young man I know from my church messaged me, sharing that as he had been praying for me, he had gotten a picture of me walking on water. You made it look so easy he said and because of that, you were able to go and help people that  others couldn't reach because they didn't have the faith that you did to walk on the water. As Peter told the Lord to call him to walk on the water toward Him, so he felt like my going to Hawaii was me asking God to call me forward. And He had. 

As of this past Thursday, I've been living in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii for three weeks now and since I've arrived, a theme has been weaving itself through my days. In the songs that we sing, the prayers that we pray, the devotionals that we share and receive. A theme of allowing God to take us deeper. In His presence, in His grace, in His love. In all that He has for us. Even one devotional talked of Peter's faith to walk on the water in contrast to the fear that caused him to sink. And it has confirmed still further in my spirit that I'm exactly where God wants me to be. 

Last Friday, the opportunity was presented to our group to be baptized in the ocean. Mine was the first name on the list. 

So Wednesday afternoon, before over a hundred volunteers, staff, and onlooking tourists, I was re-baptized with four other girls who had signed up, one girl who decided while there to join us, and one last girl who made the decision to be baptized after we had all been immersed. Six of us young ladies total. We rejoiced. Such a happy time! My friends who have become as family to me these past weeks surrounded me with hugs and prayers and congratulations. Supporting me. Encouraging me. Celebrating with me. So much joy in that moment. 

Nina, one of our staff who I've grown rather close to through prayer, mutual sharing, and nighttime coffee by the ocean, helped with the baptism. And afterwards, I'll never forget. Amidst the excitement and bustle of celebration, she hugged me and placed her hands on my shoulders as she looked into my eyes, and she told me in her German accent, "You are a world-changer. Whether it's in Hawaii or wherever, I know this: you are going to change the world."

And so in the place where I feel called as my mission field, I made a renewed declaration of faith before my neighbors and before the Lord that being a changed person and being in a very different place in my relationship with God, I have really died to my flesh now and have surrendered my life to Him. That I'm living my life for His glory and according to His will now. January 20, 2015, on a sunny afternoon by the pier in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, I was re-baptized, declaring symbolically as I was immersed in the ocean water that I am willing and ready now to allow Him to take me as far into the deeper waters as He wants me to go. 

"I have decided to follow Jesus

I have decided to follow Jesus

I have decided to follow Jesus

No turning back

No turning back"

"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

Your Face is All I Seek

Hawaii. What a beautiful place this is. I'm sitting here at Daylight Mind, my favorite coffee shop in Kona. Sitting here alone in the quiet of the afternoon at a bistro table on the covered lanai. Sitting here watching the waves come rushing in toward the shore, cresting in white foam just before they break upon the black lava rocks. The hazy shadow of mountains rises to the left. To the right... the horizon. Endless water as far as I can see. I'm in love with this land. My soul feels so at rest, so at peace, so much at home here. It feels like home. And I feel saturated every day with the Lord's presence in a way that I've never experienced before. My soul feels content, satisfied. I find myself speechless in awe or even drawn to tears every single day. I feel His presence so strongly with me in this place.

I came here to this island, leaving my home and my family, all that I had ever known, in obedience to God's calling. He asked me to come. I came.

But I also came looking for answers. Hoping to find direction for my future. To discover what the Lord wants the next step of my life to look like.

But in the eighteen days that I've been here, I've come to realize something. The answers I'm searching for I won't find here in Hawaii. I'm searching in vain for something that this place even with all of its beauty and majesty can't give me. This place isn't for me. Not now.

And that's okay.

These past two weeks have shown me that there's still an unclosed chapter of my life back home in Georgia. I have unfinished business. The Lord isn't done with me there yet.

So in nine weeks I go home, not with dread or disappointment, but with excitement. I'm very excited to see what He has in store for me at home. And I'm not heartbroken at the thought of leaving Hawaii. Because I'll be back. I know I'll be back. Maybe in a year, maybe in a few years. I'll make my life here someday for another season. 

Just not yet.

I'm at peace here in Hawaii, and I'm at peace at the thought of going home. It is well with my soul. 

And in the meantime, I enjoy my time here. I'm soaking up every moment, capturing memories in my heart, leaving a piece of my heart here until I return someday. Because my time here isn't to find answers. I know now that that isn't why God called me here. It's a time to grow. A time to change me, to mature me, to prepare me, to prepare my heart for all that He has in store for my future, both here in Hawaii and at home, whatever that may look like.

God never intended for this to be a time of frustration for me, futiley searching for direction among the sand of these shores. This isn't about finding myself. This is about realizing like I've never realized before how incredibly loved I am by Him and how good He is.

This has been the song the Lord has put on my lips and on my heart the last few days:

"Oh Lord, You're beautiful,

Your face is all I seek,

And when Your eyes are on this child,

Your grace abounds to me.

I want to take Your Word and shine it all around. 

First help me just to live it, Lord.

And when I'm doing well,

Help me to never seek a crown

For my reward is giving glory to You."

I don't need direction or answers, He's shown me. All I need is His presence, a fresh revelation of Who He is. And I've found that. He is with me just as near beneath the pine trees of Georgia as He is beside the swaying palms and the crashing waves. 

And that's all that I need.

"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." James 4:8

-Oh Lord, You're Beautiful; Jesus Culture

　

Many Nations Under God

One week ago was Aloha Night. A welcome night for the entire campus of new DTS students who had just arrived. 

There were little girls dancing the hula and other island dances. Our YWAM Kona University of the Nations founder Loren Cunningham shared his testimony of the Lord calling him to the Hawaiian Islands. 

There was a flag ceremony in which flags from countries around the globe were represented. Carried to the front, paraded before everyone cheering and applauding, and ran fluttering down the main aisle. And as I watched, I felt tears pressing their way forward. I choked up. Because in that moment, I realized that under that one room of our outdoor Ohana Court, there were hundreds of us. Individuals from countries all over the world. Different countries, different cultures, different callings, different languages, different backgrounds, different histories. But we were all there united because of one thing in common we shared. Our love and passion for the Lord Jesus. How great and awesome is the Lord that His name is known and drawing hearts from all around the world, no respecter of persons! 

There was also worship at the end of the service. At that point, I lost it and spent the entire worship, face in hands, weeping before the Lord. Because until then, it had felt like I was on a grand vacation here. In the excitement and newness, I had somehow lost sight of why I was here and how I had come here. And the reality of my purpose and calling came crashing down upon me as the Spirit of God fell in that place and overwhelmed me. I would later write these words when I was home and I had stolen away alone to a quiet corner beneath the stars twinkling in the dark night sky overhead. 

"It's been like a vacation. But I was just overwhelmed by the reality that this is an assignment from God. And that He chose ME for this. When I was still in my mother's womb, He chose me for this assignment. He already saw this season of my life, these three months I'm spending here, and everything that has and will unfold within my time here. He chose ME for this. I'm so little in this great big wide world. I'm just one person with so little to offer in the magnitude and magnificence of all that He is. But He chose ME. It overwhelms me. He chose me for this huge privilege of serving Him here. And I have no idea why. 

I feel so much purpose here. I spent so many months, so many years, dreaming of this day. So many of my tears have been poured over the soil of this land and its people from my home in Georgia. So many nights when this passion, when this fire would burn inside of me and I would cry, fervently praying to come here because I couldn't hold that passion back anymore. But this time, my tears ended in a great big smile. Because while this passion burns like an uncontainable fire in my soul, I am so happy here. I know that I am in the will of God. I feel purpose and calling here. So many times I doubted if I had really heard Him, heard His voice. So many times I never thought I'd stand on these shores. But He made the way. He sent me here. And I don't know why. 

But I want to. 

Even if it means leaving those at home I love so deeply and I know now how hard that would be, I want to be used by Him however that looks and wherever that takes me. I am His. My life is His to do with as He wants. 

My heart's desire is just to bring Him glory and to do His will and to show His love. I want to do that so badly."

I don't know what the future looks like. I don't know what even tomorrow holds. But I know that whatever it looks like, whatever it costs me, I want to do His will. I want to bring Him the upmost glory in everything that I do and say. I want to be so filled overflowing with Him that when people look at me, they see Him in me, not myself. I want to make Jesus' name known and famous as He deserves to be in every heart, in every nation, on every tongue. 

"After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying, “Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen.”" Revelation 7:9-12

Plaza of the Nations, YWAM Kona University of the Nations, Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, USA

Father of Love

These past fifteen days in Hawaii have been amazing. But we've also experienced some mishaps. 

It first began when one of my closest friends Christina was stung by a jellyfish. 

Then one of my roommates Amber got pink eye. 

Then Amber stepped on a sea urchin and had to soak her foot in hot water for the spikes to fall out. 

Then my other roommate and one of my other closest girlfriends Ida got severely sunburned last Saturday.  

Then Ida's sunburned turned out to be something like sun stroke. 

Then Christina got a severe allergic reaction to possibly the jellyfish poison or a plant she encountered in her grounds crew work (or possibly both) and was taken to the emergency room on Tuesday. 

All in two weeks. 

All to the girls I spend most of my time with and live with. 

I can't help seeing myself as a common factor and I've begun wondering if there's something going on in the spiritual realm that I somehow have to do with. 

All three are better now, but last Saturday, Ida's sunburn had scared me. Her body experiences an allergic reaction to much sun exposure already and then the redness of her fair Danish complexion after a day on the beach... Her back, arms, legs, chest, and face were scorching red and fiery to the touch. My heart ached for her, watching her in pain. 

As a woman with defined maternal instincts, as Ida's roommate and one of her closest friends here in Hawaii, I assumed the role of being her nurse those few days. Truly, I loved tending to her in her need. Anyone who knows me well knows that I love taking care of those I love. 

So I gave her ibuprofen. I sent her into a cold shower. I wrapped a cold wet towel around her shoulders. I tucked her into bed. I got her iced coffee. I played worship music on my phone to comfort her. I sat beside her on her bed and stroked her leg to remind her that I love her and that I'm here for her. I rubbed soothing aloe vera over her body. 

And that first painful night as we sat on her bed together in the lamplight, alone in our little bedroom thousands of miles from our homes and from our families... That first night as I gently massaged aloe into the layers of sunburned flesh on her bare back, the Lord whispered to my heart. As I watched her wince in pain at my soft touch on her sensitive skin, wanting to cry the tears for her that she was trying to hold back, He spoke to me. 

And He told me that it's in that same way that He cares for me. For us. 

We make mistakes in this life. Ida made the mistake of not applying enough sunscreen. We make mistakes. We go the wrong way. We stray. We get hurt, wounded. Our heart breaks. 

We disappoint Jesus. But He isn't angry. When we're hurt by our mistakes and broken in contriteness, He doesn't hold a rod of correction over our heads. When we're down prostrate with regret and shame, He doesn't strike us in rebuke. 

He loves us. 

Like a Shepherd cares for His sheep. 

Like a father loves his wayward prodigal son. 

He takes us in His strong arms and gathers us into the protection of His bosom. He holds us close, cries tears rolling down His glorious face, feeling our pain with us. He binds up our wounds tenderly with His nail-scarred hands. And He reminds us that He loves us. He loves us. 

"'What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.'" Luke 15:4-7

Friends, I tell you, whatever mistake you've made, He is faithful. He is waiting with arms wide open to comfort you and to welcome you home. To embrace you, to hold you close. To heal you. To restore. Not to chasten and harshly rebuke.  

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalms 51:17

Never be afraid to run to Him with your hurt, with your pain, your regret, your shame, your guilt, your burdens. Whatever you've done, whatever is on your heart, we need not fear approaching the throne of grace. 

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1John 1:9

Don't cower from His glory and His goodness.

"'Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.'" Matthew 11:28-30

Wherever you find yourself, let Him love you. 

Greetings from Kona!

Aloha from Hawaii, Family & Friends!

I've been here in Kailua-Kona for ten days now. It feels like so much longer since I stepped foot on the shores of this beautiful island state. 

So much has happened and I've been very busy, but I wanted to carve out some time to summarize my adventures for you all to the best of my ability, though I know I can't possibly capture every detail in this email. 

My flight from Atlanta to Los Angeles was smooth and uneventful, as was the second leg of my journey from Los Angeles to Kona. I had no difficulties finding my way through the airports and I easily found sturdy obliging men to help me with my luggage at each stop. 

I had a window seat for both flights- such a blessing! I saw so many breath-taking sights across the continent. But my favorite moment of the trip was leaving Atlanta. 

I watched out the window on my left as our plane taxied down the runway and slowly began gaining momentum. A wave of heat and excitement and expectancy flooded over me as we went faster and faster. And then our wheels left the ground. The moment that I saw and felt us become airborne, something overwhelmed me that I had never felt before. I experienced such a wave of  incredible peace that I had never known. In that moment, I had never felt more in the Lord's will. His presence was more real to me than it had ever been and I started crying. It brought me to tears because I was so overcome by feeling the strength of His presence with me. I had no regrets. No fear. I was never afraid and never felt alone on my trip, even in the crowds of strangers. Every time I began to feel lonely, a still small voice whispered to my heart that I wasn't alone. 

I arrived at the Kailua-Kona International Airport at 9:16pm on December 21st. Right on time. The airport was small and entirely outdoors. They also don't have terminals there: we walked down stairs from the airplane right out into the tarmac. I couldn't see much of the island for the darkness of that time of night. 

Hawaiian time is five hours behind Georgia, and after traveling all day and being locked up stiff in a plane for first four and a half hours and then five and a half hours with half an hour between, I was tired and ready to sleep and get settled in. My body was telling me that I had been awake that day for nineteen hours. The restless brief naps I had caught that day hadn't done much to help. 

All had gone smoothly. Until I missed my ride from the airport and found myself lost in Hawaii. 

How does one miss her ride from the airport?

I'm still not sure, but I managed. I have a talent for things like that. 

I found myself a solo-traveling young woman alone on an island I had never been on with no contacts to call. 

But first, from the Crew's side... Dani from the Kokua Crew arrived at the Kona International Airport on Thursday night to pick up me and a group of other volunteers whose flights were arriving and to drive us to Hale Ola, our dormitories just one mile from the campus of the University of the Nations. He and the other volunteers called my name out and walked around for half an hour, asking young women if they were "Julia." No one answered. Sometimes when the volunteers' planes are going to be delayed, they don't notify the Crew, so when Julia couldn't be found, they left. Dani apparently almost ran into another car as he was calling my name out the window while driving away. 

Now from my side. 

My plane arrived in Kona, Hawaii right on time. 9:16pm. I navigates through the small airport to the baggage claim and found a young man to help me pull my heavy luggage from the carousel. 

As I waited for my luggage to circle around, I heard my name called out. "Julia!" I looked around but saw no one in particular in the crowd of flight passengers waiting to claim their bags. "Oh, well," I thought, shrugging to myself. "It must've just been for another Julia."

The young man pulled my luggage off for me and I wheeled it away from the crowd and began looking around for a group holding a sign reading "Kokua Crew" as I had read in my Acceptance Letter to look for. I saw no sign. I walked up and down the portion of the street in front of the small airport and I saw no one who appeared to be a group from YWAM. 

Not the biggest deal. I had been given a cell number by which to contact the crew if there were any changes or delays in my flight, so I pulled out my cell phone and dialed their number to see where to meet them. A busy tone came through on the other line. 

I felt something hit my gut. 

Something like panic. 

A thought of hope crossed my mind that maybe there was someone else I could call if I needed to. Only to be reminded that no. I was in a new place alone and I didn't know a soul on the island, even in the state of Hawaii, who I could call for help. 

I was alone with no contacts. 

I tried calling the Mission Builder's office but it was closed for the night. By that time, I was tired, scared, and I had no idea what to do. I was about to sit down and cry. 

And then I saw a girl. 

She was about my age, laying on a nearby bench with her head pillowed by her backpack. Beside her was a yellow duffel bag standing on its wheels with a white floppy sun hat sitting on top. 

I was running out of options. So I wheeled my luggage over to her and asked, rather awkwardly, "This is random, but are you waiting for a group from YWAM by any chance?"

The girl looked surprised. "No," she said. "But are you Julia?"

I laughed and nodded. "Yes." I explained to her my predicament. Then in turn, she proceeded to tell me that a man had come up to her just a minute ago and had asked her if she was Julia. He had blond hair, was wearing a baby blue t-shirt and cargo shorts, and was carrying a clipboard. 

We looked around together for him- my new friend even put her glasses on so that she could see farther away in search of the man she had seen earlier- but to no avail. He was gone. I paced up and down the curbside dragging my heavy luggage along as I looked for him or for a group of young people by a van. No one. They had left without me.

I was a little worried, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself that they had my cell phone number. They would call me I was sure. And they would come back for me.

Meanwhile, I wasn't alone at least. I sat down with the girl and we began talking. Her name was Stephanie, she was twenty-four-years old, and she had bought a one-way plane ticket from the mainland to come to stay with friends of a mutual friend. Maybe she would stay on the island; maybe she'd be gone in a week. She had no definite plans. In fact, she was so carefree that her communication with the people she was to stay with had been misunderstood somewhere along the way and her ride wouldn't be by to pick her up until the morning she had just learned. She would be staying the night in the airport.

The thought of sleeping in an airport alone, even in such a small place as Kona, was terrifying to me. Stephanie's father texted her as we waited for my ride to come back for me and her dad told her of a car rental place right across the street where she could stay the night without the airport security bothering her. They had restrooms, water fountains, outlets, and vending machines. Perfect.

The clock kept moving forward as we sat there waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I tried calling the Kokua Crew number a million times it felt like in my distress. No answer. The clock was edging toward eleven o'clock and the airport was nearly deserted. It was quiet and lonely compared to the bustle of incoming flights only a few hours before. Only Stephanie, myself, and the airport employees seemed to still be there.

I began making plans to spend the night at the airport with Stephanie until the morning when the Mission Builders office would be open.

An airport police officer approached where we sat on the same bench we had sat on for the past two hours. We explained our situations when he inquired about our waiting there. For Stephanie, he told her about the car rental business across the street. For me, he tried calling the Kokua Crew with no better luck than I had, and then he gave me two options: 1. Sleep in the car rental place. 2. Get a taxi cab to the University of the Nations. But if I were to get a taxi, I'd have to do it soon before they all left for the night, he told me. Time was of the urgency.

I hesitated at the idea of getting a taxi ride for multiple reasons. I hadn't budgeted for the expense and I hated paying for a ride only twenty minutes away, but namely, I just wasn't comfortable being alone in a car at night with a strange man in a strange place I didn't know. Prudence told me it wasn't a good idea. It was something my parents had taught me not to do. But I was out of options.

The police officer recommended it so I figured it must've been legitimate. Also they were allowed to work at the airport too after all. I asked the officer how much he thought it would cost me. $30. Not too bad. So with a prayer on my lips, I did it.

I said goodbye to Stephanie and thanked her for her company. I truly believe in my heart that she was sent to me by the Lord to give me companionship and comfort for both my fear and my safety, not having to be alone at the airport. And I caught a cab waiting at the curb.

My taxi driver was an older gentleman and his white van seemed even older. He was friendly though. We drove with the front windows down, a cool burst of island air from the ocean blowing my hair this way and that and I loved it. In that twenty-minute drive, we talked about me and my home. We talked about Hawaii: the weather, the land, the economy. We talked about him: he told me all about being born and raised on the island, of growing up in a small house in the mountains where the farms and ranches are, living by kerosene. It was like having a tour guide all my own. I enjoyed it. As I later told him, he helped turn a bad situation into a good one.

I didn't have the address for Hale Ola, the dormitories where we volunteers would be living, but my taxi driver dropped me off at the front gate of the University of the Nations. I figured I could find a security guard driving around campus and perhaps he could take me to Hale Ola in his golf cart. That's how I imagined the night to play out anyways.

I was dragging my luggage along the sidewalk of the campus, looking for sight of anyone. It seemed all sleepy and deserted too for the night. Mind you, wheeling two large heavy suitcases, a heavy totebag, and a laptop bag is no trivial task for only 5'4" and 110 pounds. By now it was about 11:30 at night and my arms felt as if they would fall off at any most inconvenient moment.

That's when I saw a group walking towards me. It was a man, two women, a baby in a stroller the man pushed, and three young children. Walking on the sidewalk towards me. It seemed in the moment that I had never been so glad to see anyone.

"Hi," I greeted them hesitantly, feeling lost and confused and uncomfortable. "Do you all go here?" They told me that they did. I sighed in relief. "Oh, I'm so glad! Maybe you can help me." I explained my situation to them.

They were in a hurry to go down to the oceanfront street to watch New Year's Eve fireworks with the kids, but they told me that they had an extra room beside their apartment that they could take me to afterwards and I could stay there for the night. "Do you want to come see fireworks with us?" they invited me.

Oh, that's right. It was New Year's. In the mishap of the night, I had almost forgotten. Sure, why not? I told myself. I was overexhausted to the point of no longer recognizing my tiredness and I felt fueled with false energy. So I joined them.

We set my luggage somewhere safe and tucked my totebag into the bottom net of the stroller, and as we walked, I learned more about them. They were a husband and wife, their baby in the stroller, and their little girl and boy. They were a Brazilian family, there as the wife Teka was studying through a DTS (Discipleship Training School) YWAM program at the university. With them was Teka's friend Bekah and her young daughter. I in turn told them about myself and my story.

It was a short few-minutes' walk along the street to the oceanfront street of stores and restaurants and then we were there, watching people set off small fireworks and sparklers in the streets. Teka gave me one of the light-up rings they had for the festive occasion. We stayed for fifteen minutes or so and then we headed back to the campus, as the fireworks were over and the young people were beginning to get rowdy that late at night on one of the biggest drinking days of the year.

Back at the university, they helped me wheel my luggage up a giant hill toward their apartment on the campus, carried my 55lb. luggage up the stairs for me, and showed me the empty room beside theirs. Apparently the microwave in their room wasn't working and since the woman in the room beside their apartment had just moved out, the university was allowing them to use the microwave in the other room. They offered me the place to stay the night and then I could get my arrangements straightened out in the morning. We dropped my bags off in the room and they invited me into their apartment for leftover tacos from their dinner. Teka pulled all of the food out the refrigerator and set a place for me at the table. They sat with me, keeping me company as I ate. By now, it was past midnight.

We talked and it was so nice to eat dinner. I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast at nine o'clock that morning with the exception of pretzels and packed snacks on my plane flights. I was ready to eat.

The family's generosity overwhelmed me. Their generosity, their hospitality, their love in welcoming a complete stranger into their home, into their family, with their children. While I'm no angel, they truly put to practice Hebrews 13:1&2, "Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." They welcomed me with open arms and I pray blessings over them for it. 

They told me that only five minutes before they had met me they hadn't planned on going down to the oceanfront to see the fireworks. They were sleepy and were going to stay in their apartment, and then, they had just decided to go suddenly. "Now I know why," Teka told me. "The Lord was saying, 'My child is alone and needs a shelter.'" She was right. It was no coincedence that we met.

While I ate dinner, Teka contacted a friend of hers connected to the Kokua Crew to let him know that I was safe at their apartment with them. He gave Teka the number of Dani, the person who was supposed to have picked me up at the airport, and I called. A sleepy, confused voice came on the other end of my iPhone. I had caught him right when before he fell asleep. Dani told me that he would be at the university campus in three minutes to pick me up, and the family helped me bring all of my bags back down the stairs and across the campus to the gate to be picked up. And there was Dani, just as Stephanie had described him. Blond hair, baby blue t-shirt, khaki cargo shorts. "Julia!" He greeted me with a German accent and a hug.

It was two o'clock in the morning by the time that I was in my bedroom for the next three months and I crawled into bed. One of my roommates wouldn't arrive until a few days later, but my other roommate was already tucked in bed sound asleep. 

How I hadn't been found at the small airport, how I hadn't heard my name called, how I had even missed the second van that had come to pick up students, is beyond comprehension. It seemed as if God had hidden me. As if for some reason, he had wanted me to meet Stephanie, the taxi driver, and that family. Maybe just to show me that He is always with me and He provides. 

The next morning, I awoke to a flood of tears and homesickness and exhaustion. Reality hit that I wasn't in Georgia anymore.

I got up though, got dressed, and wandered outside for breakfast. When I stepped outside our house door, I was greeted by Hawaii. Clear blue skies, mild temperatures, glowing sunlight, vibrant green plants and colorful flowers everywhere, mountains rising hazy in the distance, and the ocean- the beautiful brilliant crystal clear ocean- almost right outside my front door. I was greeted goodmorning by Dani and the other staff members and realized that my adventure from the night before had made me Kokua Crew famous overnight. Well past arrival day, I would be teased about my escapade when I would leave Hale Ola- "Don't go down to the airport"- and Dani would randomly call out my name while passing by. They made me laugh and feel at home and accepted. By the close of my first day, I had already found my niche in the hundred of volunteers and had already become very close friends with many of them, including my roommate Ida and her best friend from home in Denmark Christina. It wouldn't be long before the threesome of us would soon be doing everything together.

That first day, Friday, we had orientation, had our campus ID badges made, and were given a tour of the university. I would be working in the kitchen. The following day, Saturday, our entire group of volunteers and staff spent the day at Hapuna Beach nearby. My first time at the ocean in five years! I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. The waves were more powerful than any I had ever seen.

Sunday, I attended a local church with some of our group. We sat by the oceanside which was gorgeous but a little warm by the end of the service. It was nice, but it made me think of my own church home and that made me feel homesick. I missed them.

Monday morning, we kitchen volunteers had our orientation for working in the kitchen. Chef Jamie, the chef who would be giving us our orientation, wouldn't be there untilnine o'clock so we helped the grounds crew for two hours at the start of the day. When we met Chef Jamie, I liked him immediately. He seemed gentle and soft-spoken, he smiled and laughed and seemed like a happy person. And he had kind eyes that made me feel at ease.

Tuesday morning at five o'clock real work began though. For transition week while students were leaving and arriving for the new semester, our schedule for the kitchen was unusual.Five o'clock to one-thirty in the afternoon we would work. I won't lie: my first two days serving in the kitchen, I hated it. I hated working in the kitchen. I was so miserable and stressed and exhausted and I had a personality conflict with one of the kitchen leaders. After work, I would go back to Hale Ola and just cry because I was so unhappy and tired and I just wanted the comfort of my home and my family. How would I ever survive the next three months?

By the end of the week, while I was still very tired, my parents and I had been praying about the situation and it had become better. I had a lot of fun for most of the day: we would have dance parties to Taylor Swift songs, worship with Hillsong and Bethel music, do magic tricks, talk, laugh, tease. I made new friends in the kitchen and I LOVED being picked to serve the food! It brought me so much happiness to be in my element again, interacting face-to-face with the people I was serving, talking to them, greeting them cheerfully, making them smile. I missed that from my job at Chick-fil-A, and the social skills I learned there have been put to good use in those moments. It does make me miss my job there and all of the people I grew close to: my boss and his wife, my managers, my coworkers, my regular customers. I even said "Oh, it's my pleasure," to a few people in reply to their thanks. My personality conflict with the leader eased away and I knew that soon I wouldn't have to wake up so early anymore. It was still stressful working in the kitchen after lunch, especially at the end of the week once all of the new DTS students had arrived, but it was okay. While I avoid stress as much as possible because of how deeply it affects me physically, I'm used to a stressful job from working the lunch rush hours at Chick-fil-A. It was getting better and I know it will only continue to. Actually, I've missed it this weekend. 

Friday night at the university was Aloha Night, a welcome celebration for the DTS students. We all attended. There were young girls beautifully dancing the traditional hula, some little girls even far more white than half-Puerto-Rican me. The founder of the base spoke and gave his testimony of the Lord leading him to Hawaii to start YWAM Kona, University of the Nations.

Saturday, a group was going to Kua Bay, but I decided to take a day to rest from the week. I slept in (sleeping in is 8:00 here), I walked over to the university, and I sat at the Banyan Tree Cafe to work on my update. That's when Amanda, a fellow Georgian, a friend of mutual friends back home, and a staff member at the university, saw me sitting there and came up to join me. We met for the first time in person, shared our stories, and talked of the people we both know and love from back home in Georgia. After two and a half hours together, we went our separate ways and I met my roommate and one of my best friends here at the local pier in town. It's about a ten minute walk from Hale Ola. By the pier is our favorite Kona coffee shop (they have fantastic smoothies for this non-coffee drinker) and a nice little beach where many people go snorkeling. Rarely does a day go by that we don't go down to the pier for some reason, be it for coffee, for dinner, for sitting on the pier, for sunning at the beach, or even just to watch the sunset.

Sunday, today, I set my alarm for 5:30 this morning. I stole out of my dark bedroom, trying not to awaken my roommates, and I made my way into our little kitchen. I took a seat and opened my iPhone browser to the live-streaming website of my church. And I watched my church worship team play at home in Georgia. And I cried. Because they seemed so far away. I realized just how much I missed them. "Lord, why is this so hard?" I cried out. My heart was torn in two again, split between two states.

Which leads to the question I know you all have been wondering: How am I doing?

I'm well. I'm healthy. The food here is amazing and I've had so many wonderful experiences already. My days are filled with laughter, nearness to the Lord, memory-making, resting, relaxing, working, serving the Lord, loving, hanging in the hammocks, sharing our hearts with each other, impromptu hang-out "parties" and worship times, and marveling at the greatness of His mighty hand. I'm so happy here. I feel such a sense of belonging and purpose and we volunteers and staff have truly become a family. The Lord has surrounded me with godly people here. Friends who enrich my life. Good girl friends; good guy friends. I laugh now to think that I ever feared that I wouldn't have friends. I never have to be alone if I don't want to be, and I'm certainly never lonely.

But I am lonely for people at home. The novelty and high of being in a beautiful new place has faded. This isn't a vacation anymore; this is life. I'm not a tourist; I'm a resident. In fact, to be honest, while I'm far from being a kamaaina (a native Hawaiian or a long-term resident) and I'm still pretty much just a malihini (newcomer) myself, the vacationers I see overcompensating for being tourists annoy me a little bit now. I'm falling into a settled daily life and I'm grateful for it. But it does feel strange living life without the people I love at home. There are so many people I miss. So deeply. I'm more homesick than I ever expected to be. Yet, I feel mixed-up because my heart feels at home here too though. If everyone I love at home could be here in this state of Hawaii with me, than I would truly feel at home. As it is, my heart doesn't know what to feel anymore. Not a day goes by that I don't think of the people I love in Georgia. Not a day goes by that I don't cry. Sometimes just a little bit; other times a lot. Currently, I cry at least once a day. I talk about people from home to anyone who will listen, I look at pictures on my phone often, I stalk people from home on Facebook in a desperate effort to feel connected still. I feel like I'm in another world from them.  Even the littlest thing that reminds me of those I love at home will send a gentle tear rolling down my cheek.

So I'm doing well and I'm happy, but it's also difficult and I'm terribly homesick. One moment, there's nothing I long for more than to move here and spend my life here; the next, I want desperately to jump on a plane and be home again.

What is my favorite part of being here?

I love the weather. It's so beautiful and mild. In the early mornings and evenings, it can be pretty chilly: sometimes even in jeans, closed shoes, and a hooded sweatshirt, I'm still shivering. Then there's a very warm part of the day for an hour or two around noon every day, but before and after, the temperatures here are so pleasant. I spend most of my days in shorts, tank tops, messy buns, flip flops, and no makeup. That's how it is here. Very natural. As close to the aina- the land- as possible. We try to eat local, we drink a lot of water and eat a lot of fruit, we spend most of the hours of the day outdoors, and we don't even live with air condition in our buildings. With fans and open windows, we don't really need it. There have been a few days of heavy humidity and when I first stepped off of the airplane, I felt immediate regret as I was greeted by a blast of stifling hot humid air, but my body has acclimated and now I love it. Most days feel like constant spring weather in Georgia.

I love the land. I love the land so much. Everything is green and lush. The mountains rise on one side of us; the ocean spans out to the other side. It's like we have here a little piece of paradise on this side of Heaven. I could stay at the ocean watching the waves for hours and hours. It's mesmerizing and I've never seen waves as big. You can smell the salt of the water in the air. I love this island so much and I've seen hardly any of it yet. I could do without the cockroaches (the Kona Cruisers) and the geckos when they choose to hang over my head inconveniently, but in truth, I've learned to coexist with them. (Except the roaches; they dare to cross our threshold and they get smacked flat with a flip flop. The geckos we just name and make them our friends.) Every day, this place takes my breath away. It never grows old. The sunsets here are magnificent. The Lord awes us every evening by the display of His glorious painting in the sky. You see pictures and always wonder how much is enhanced in them. There's no enhancement and editing needed here. You can't take a bad picture of this island. Every snapshot looks like a postcard.

I love the culture and the language. I respect the native traditions and customs. They fascinate me. The Native Hawaiian language is beautiful to me, and I'm so thankful that I spent the past two years studying it. I've yet to find my courage to speak the language, but it's been so nice seeing Hawaiian words and rather than it being a foreign language to me, knowing instead half of the words as well as my own English. It's helped me feel at home and feel a sense of belonging. I love the emphasis on family they have here. You hear about the "ohana" and the "aloha." Well, it's real. And I'm embraced by it every day here.

I love the slower pace. It's refreshing from the fast-pace of Atlanta life I've only ever known. Most people are so polite here. It's very rare even that you hear a car horn honk. While walking to the pier once, we saw a car stop in the middle of the road to pick up a lady coming from a restaurant, the driver simply giving a "hang loose" hand sign out the window, and as the cars backed up behind him, nobody honked, nobody passed him, nobody gave crude hand gestures back at him. In Atlanta, I could see road rage playing out in that instance. I love their definition of productivity and success here. It isn't based off of the brand-name clothes you wear, the big house you live in, the expensive car you drive, the weighty salary you make, or the prestigious job you hold. It isn't so much about how many tasks on your list you can mark off. It's about Life. Love. Respect. Relationships. Taking time with people here is something very highly valued. You don't rush with people here: it's a sign of disrespect.

I also love being able to walk everywhere. To church, to the grocery store, to Starbucks, to the pier, to dinner, to the university campus, to the beach. It's so centralized where we live. While I'm sorely out of shape for walking, I love spending so much time outdoors. It feels so natural, like the way the Lord God created it to be. It also works out my body, lightens my hair, and hopefully will give me a nice tan. Always a plus. ;)

I'll try to post more often here. It feels like we have both so much and so little free time. But I'll try my best. I'll certainly upload more pictures here soon as well. 

Blessings and Aloha!

Julia